Written by Matt Warren, LMHC MDiv (Executive Director, Senior Clinician)
What are your core values? The guiding principles of your life that give it shape, color, purpose, substance, satisfaction. The things that make you tick. I am convinced that every person has a unique set of core values that have been distilled from a combination of personality, experience, social influence, and divine design. So when is the last time you stepped back and considered yours?
Identifying your core values is not simply an exercise in aspirational thinking or positive psychology. It can provide significant insight into your mental and emotional health and clarify why you feel what you feel. When experiencing distress of one kind or another, values are almost always involved in some way. For instance, we might feel depressed because certain values are not sufficiently evident in our life and we feel hopeless or incapable of actualizing them. We might become angry when we sense that our values are being violated, diminished, or challenged by others. We might feel anxious when we fear that something of value is in jeopardy. We might become distractible and unfocused when there is confusion about which values to prioritize in various contexts or tasks. We might experience relationship conflict when there is a sharp contrast between differing values or when one’s values are not properly validated or supported. In each case, recognizing the role that values play can help us gain understanding and find the best path forward.
To examine your own core values, start by asking yourself the following questions:
What are the moments in life that have brought the greatest sense of enjoyment, excitement, fulfillment, and wellbeing? What moments fit this description from the past year or two? What are the key qualities that made these experiences meaningful?
What would your “perfect day” consist of? How would you choose to spend your time and who would you choose to spend it with?
What do you want your life to be defined by when others think of you? What will you look back on later in life and think – “Yes! That was worth it!”
Who are two people in your life that you admire? What qualities do you most appreciate about them?
In the most challenging moments of life, what are the strengths and resources that have found been most useful to you in overcoming those challenges?
If you feel stumped, you can search for a “values list” that will provide a long list of words to jog your thinking, or ask someone who knows you well to engage in these questions with you as a dialogue. Once you have done this, consider what stands out most clearly in your responses and determine 3-5 values that are most prevalent. Ignore any concerns about what you “should” value and instead hone in on what really does have true and lasting value for you. By doing so, you will have identified crucial information about the way that God has formed you through design and through experience, and this can be an incredibly helpful tool to carry with you in both the joys and the hardships of life.