Written by Jessica Abraham, LMHC (Senior Clinician) and Matt Warren, LMHC MDiv (Executive Director, Senior Clinician)
Whether you are extroverted or introverted, collectivist or individualist, a social butterfly or a lone wolf, research indicates that we are all biologically predisposed to connect with others. Why is that?
Attachment Theory: What Is It and Why Does It Matter?
Attachment theory is a key psychological concept that explains how and why we relate to people in the way that we do. From our very first moments after birth, we are seeking to align ourselves with someone who we can trust and rely upon. Each day that follows, we continue to desire and long for a sense of safety and security through those early bonds and connections. Attachment theory suggests that it is these early experiences of bonding and connection (or “attachment") that shape how we interact with others throughout childhood, adolescence, and into adulthood.
Furthermore, our attachment to our primary caregiver shapes our brain in other significant ways including:
our ability to recognize and be aware of our emotions
our ability to regulate our emotions
our ability to bounce back from stressful events
our ability to trust others and have a healthy sense of self
We develop an attachment style based on how our caregivers responded to us during infancy and childhood. By recognizing and understanding our attachment style we can become more self-aware, recognize how to regulate our emotions, and grow in our ability to develop secure, safe, and healthy attachments in our adult relationships.
Attachment and the Image of God
Why did God create us to be so profoundly shaped by relationships and especially by our primary caregivers when those relationships are capable of causing such deep and lasting wounds? Seems like a more foolproof plan would have been to make us self-sufficient and secure in and of ourselves, right? Yet, for some God-intended reason, we were made to need others.
From a theological perspective, attachment highlights two distinct but related truths about us as human beings: first, that we are made in God’s image and bear his likeness and, second, that we finite and fallible and thus not at all like God. As image bearers, we are like God in that we are inherently relational and intimately interconnected with one another. And as sinners, we are unlike God in our relationality in that we are prone to hurt and be hurt by one another and hopelessly so apart from the grace of God Himself for us.
Furthermore, the notion of secure attachment (along with concepts of attunement and safe haven described above) mirrors God’s own loving heart toward His children. Consistent, attentive, present, compassionate, nurturing. There is no more complete expression of such care than in the care of God Himself for us.
We can marvel at the incredible power that God has imbued within our relationships and remember to steward this with all of the care that it deserves. We can also trust that God’s grace is more than sufficient for us even in the midst of our human failure and woundedness and that God’s mercy will provide the security and healing that we need over time.