Benefits of Expressive Writing (Part 2)

Written by Day Marshall, LMHC (Senior Clinician)

When I wrote Part 1 of this post, I had no idea the turns that life would present in the space between writing Part 2. However, as God’s will so consistently demonstrates, it is perfect and provides opportunities for growth and strengthening of faith if we have the willingness to embrace it.

In recent months, one of my most beloved friends was diagnosed with cancer, and his prognosis continues to worsen as treatments are applied and tests are run. In the midst of this, my Dad died quite suddenly. As my emotions and mind play leapfrog, trying to find reason while being overcome with floods of feelings, I have used journaling to express the inexpressible. Writing out my incomplete and complex fears, anger, questions, regrets, and sorrow has been powerful. It is, at its core, lament; a way of expressing our hearts and innermost self to God himself. Though it is entirely possible to lament verbally, the benefit of lamenting in writing is profound. It forces me to slow down just a bit; to allow each thought and feeling to linger a bit longer and to be examined a bit more closely. The few seconds it takes to print a word give the brain an extraordinary amount of neurological time to process the thought. The nanosecond required to realize that a thought exists is slowed down and the thought is held under a magnifying glass while the thought goes through the neurological process of moving to the writing part of the brain and transmitting the impulses to the fingers to form the letters or push the keys. This produces a visual representation of the thought before the eyes, which is then uploaded into the visual part of the brain for further processing.

The lament I experience, once expressed in journaling, allows for the powerful part of the exercise to take place — the peace. In taking the time to lay those emotions and thoughts out on the table, so to speak, I am able to move to a place of rest. In a sense, I’ve spoken my truth; I’ve expressed my pain, anger, grief, fear, loss. This clears the way for my heart to find some peace. It is here that entering into a place of expressing gratitude and hopefulness becomes more meaningful, or perhaps at some points, it is what allows it to be possible.

Hope When Circumstances are Bleak

Written by Day Marshall, LMHC (Senior Clinician)

Very often in counseling sessions, I hear from clients a form of the sentiment, “I know that God is all powerful, loving and good, but I doubt He is like that with me.”  This is related to experiences that point to feeling forgotten by God, or overlooked by Him, or worse, being punished by Him for not being ‘X’ enough.  Recently in my personal study of the Word, I was looking deeply at the book of Ruth, and the plight of Naomi struck me as echoing what my clients often express.

Faced with the difficult decision to move from Bethlehem with her husband and two sons due to famine, Naomi’s family settled in Moab. During that time, all of her men died, and she only had her two daughters-in-law left. Naomi heard that after 10 years abroad, “the Lord had paid attention to His people’s need and provided food,” so she headed home. It is here we see Naomi’s expressed belief about God’s view of her: “my daughters, my life is much too bitter for you to share, because the Lord’s hand has turned against me.” Again, when Naomi arrived at Bethlehem, she expressed, “Call me Mara, for the Almighty has made me very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty...the Lord has pronounced judgment on me, and the Almighty has afflicted me.”

Despite Naomi’s painful circumstances, the Lord had significant plans for her, which included implications she could not possibly have imagined in her state of grief. We know the happy conclusion to Naomi’s story is not only one of immediate redemption through a grandson who renewed her life and sustained her in her old age, along with a daughter-in-law who loved her and was better “than seven sons,” but also includes being a part of the story of the Redeemer himself. In the beauty of God’s eternal plan, Naomi could not have known during her earthly life the significance of all she went through, but we bear witness to it with the bigger picture in view.

This is a sentiment I try to encourage clients to consider as they are feeling unloved, abandoned, forgotten, or in some way punished by a capricious God. I encourage holding onto the idea that He is never inclined toward us that way, even when it feels like it in the moment. It can feel difficult to trust that God’s love is not fleeting when we have experienced disappointment and pain that seems unrelenting. This is particularly true in the seasons of waiting; not knowing how long the grieving will last, or for what reason something is happening. And especially when, like Naomi, there is one loss piled on top of many others without any obvious way out.

When I meet with a client in this circumstance, I avoid placating sentiments, such as ‘everything happens for a reason,’ because it is not reasonable to ask someone who is suffering to embrace that their suffering is for a greater good. If they come to that conclusion independently, great. However, it can be harmful to impose on a person who feels neglected or unseen by God the idea that He is allowing them to suffer for some larger purpose. Rather, I attempt to enter into their grief with them, hearing their hearts and empathizing with how difficult it is to be a place of not knowing. Offering the sentiment of the father, desperate for the deliverance of his son’s lifelong affliction, whose heart cry was, “I believe! Help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24) is usually pretty close to the heart position of one longing to know the Father’s love for them when they feel alone.

Practices:

1)      Sit with and grieve with those who grieve and who wait for the Lord’s deliverance.

2)      Pray with and for them

3)      Do for them – if they feel alone, invest in friendship with them. If they want a life partner, be the friend who encourages them to experience fullness of life as they prepare themselves to meet that person in the future

4)      When there is a diagnosis or a loss that is excruciating, offer presence more than words, and offer service instead of expectations.