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Written by Ariella Wilson, LMHC (Senior Clinician)
Therapy for young children is a puzzling concept for most adults to imagine. When we think of counseling, we picture ourselves on a couch, or on the other side of a screen, talking with a clinician who helps us work through difficult emotions and experiences and move toward growth and healing. If you’re a parent you might be thinking that you can barely get your four-year-old to eat their breakfast, let alone sit still for 50 minutes and detail their trauma to a stranger.
It’s hard to imagine, because children actually don’t process the world this way. Instead, children use play and imagination as their primary tools for making sense of the world.
A Child's Play is Their Language
Children are constantly setting us up (as parents, teachers, or other caring adults) to both feel and experience what it's like to be them. Kids will use toys, art, games, puppets, imagination, and behavior as tools to show us exactly how they feel. Sometimes it's fun, lighthearted and playful. Sometimes it’s about learning something new. Sometimes it’s distressing, confusing, sad or maddening. This is where play therapy comes in.
Play Therapy in Action
Let me give you an example from the playroom. Mia is six, just starting first grade. Her parents noticed a recent shift in her mood that encouraged them to try out play therapy. Mia seemed more down on herself, on-edge and anxious and less engaged with friends during play dates. When I walk into the waiting room for her first session, I kneel down to meet her, but her eyes stay glued to the floor. After a few minutes of introduction and chatting with mom, she heads into the playroom, still without making eye contact, despite my attempts to engage.
She plays in the sand tray, with puppets, with little animal figurines. The stories in her play are upbeat, “normal” little girl play. She acts out made-up games and pretend play with friends. A few times I try to join in. No response. I feel that it would make no difference to her if I was in the room or not. At one point (her first acknowledgement of me) she takes a toy right out of my hand and says, "you're not doing it right."
That one kinda hurt. I start to question myself. Did I do something wrong? I want to connect with her, but I don't know how.
And then it hits me. This is a window into Mia’s world, and she just masterfully set me up to feel exactly what she feels.
A few weeks later I checked in with Mia’s teacher to hear about how she is doing in class. She gives Mia glowing reviews. “She is helpful, attentive, well-behaved and a great student.” Her teacher continues, “the only thing I’ve noticed is that she is often playing alone. I've seen her try to play with her peers, but it never lasts long until I see her playing by herself again. I’ve checked in on her a couple of times and she seems content to be by herself, but I wonder if there is something else going on.” My suspicions were further confirmed.
Isn’t she brilliant? Mia was re-enacting with me the experience she has at school, using me and the toys as her props.
So what do we do with that? The full answer is a little longer than we have room for here - so if you have more questions about the mechanics of play therapy, check out Harbor Kids on our website and reach out to us. We’d love to be a resource to you!
The Importance of Play for Grown Ups
Lisa Dion, a well-known play therapist, says: “Play isn't just for children - it's a bridge for parents to reconnect with their kids and with the playful, creative parts of themselves they've forgotten.”
In other words, play is essential for the wellbeing of grown ups and children alike, even if it looks a bit different!
Somewhere along the way, we adopted a mindset that play is immature, or that play is what you do when the “real” work is finished. We began to trade imagination for productivity and play became “hobbies” that we only do in our free time. What free time?
Scripture even points to the importance of play and child-likeness. The prophet Zechariah paints a picture of restoration where "the city streets will be filled with boys and girls playing there" (Zechariah 8:5, NIV). Jesus not only welcomed kids to himself; he exhorted his disciples to "become like little children" as preparation for the kingdom of God (Matthew 18:3, NIV).
Here we see that play is central to God's work of healing and redemption. What if us adults took notes from kids and began to see play as a way to process hard seasons, instead of a reward for productivity?
So here's our invitation, whether or not there's a child in your life: what did you love to do when you were six? Pick something (or ask a parent if you can’t remember) and experiment with it! Or if you’re a parent, try to play with your child fully immersed and present in their play or game as if it was real life.
Notice what comes up. Because play can be our language too, we might just be a little out of practice.