Routines

Written by Megan Farcas, LMHC CMHIMP (Clinical Supervisor, Senior Clinician)

During the past year and a half of pandemic life, we’ve all developed new routines—or a lack thereof. Recently a common topic coming up in many conversations (both with clients and in personal relationships) is how to adjust routines now that life is 'opening up' more. 

Some people are struggling with the reality of adjusting the routines they have grown used to over the past year and a half. Maybe it’s remembering how much time you need in the morning to get ready and commute to the office to resume working in person. Or perhaps it’s finding time to be able to go back to your favorite gym now that it is open again. For others it can be a new routine of leaving the house, after many months of cautiously staying home due to understandable concern of the virus. 

In all of these conversations I’m having there is another common thread—trying to identify "healthy routines." We are realizing as we are coming out of pandemic life that there may be new routines we need to create and some we need to leave behind.

For human beings, routines can be extremely beneficial. They allow us to take care of tasks and to do’s in a planned and thoughtful manner. They can create time for physical wellbeing such as exercise or preparing a meal. Even more than this, studies at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine have shown that individuals who have daily routines can help alleviate symptoms of bipolar disorder, especially when that routine includes consistent sleeping and eating patterns. 

Many of us know the benefit of routines, yet we can often feel stuck in identifying how to create new ones that will be helpful and healthy. Below are some ideas to help you think through ways you can begin to build routines:

Start Small: Pick a small routine that you can begin to change or create. Maybe you want to drink more water throughout the day to avoid the dreaded mid day headache, so your goal is to drink a glass of water with breakfast. Maybe you would like to read more so you begin by reading a couple pages while you wait for dinner to cook. Perhaps you’d like to go back to the instrument you used to play, so you build in a 10 minute jam session after you brush your teeth. Smaller changes to routines are easier to sustain and build on.

Stack Your Habits: As described above, you can begin to build routines by adding to what you already do every day (eating, drinking, brushing teeth, etc).

Try To Identify Enjoyable Routines: Certainly there are "adulting" routines that we all need to have, but it is also valuable to identify routines that bring you joy (music, hobbies, nature, reading, social time, etc). This can be a great boost to your mental health. 

Missing A Day Is Okay: Many of us get sucked into "all or nothing" thinking, so if we miss a day of our routine we can then perpetuate that experience and feel like it is pointless to try to resume what we were working on. Being aware of this tendency and showing grace to yourself when you don’t stick to your routine is important. Tell yourself it’s ok and then try to resume, starting small again if you have to.

Eyes on the Prize

Written by Megan Farcas, LMHC CMHIMP (Clinical Supervisor, Senior Clinician)

Have you ever set a goal and then struggled to remain focused? Or felt like the goal was so far away it was unattainable and so you were less motivated? I was recently listening to an interview with psychologist Emily Balcetis who studied how our brains can use our visual system to shape our behavior. In other words, what we visualize can help change our behaviors and motivation. 

Balcetis discussed a study where they had participants go on a walk. Some were told to focus on a stop sign up ahead, while others were not. Those who focused on the stop sign felt that the finish line of the walk was closer than those who did not. More than that, those keeping their focus on the stop sign finished the walk faster than the other group and also exerted less energy doing so. The conclusion was that the illusion of proximity motivated the participants to walk faster without realizing it. This is a common practice among elite athletes, who often train to break things down into smaller chunks, like Michael Phelps counting breaststrokes or marathon runners identifying visual cues for their runs. 

But what happens if your goal is something you can’t tangibly visualize? Balcetis highlighted another study in which they talked to young people about retirement. Most young people had not yet considered retirement since it seemed so far off, but when the conductors of the study presented them with pictures of themselves photoshopped to look older, the young people began to engage and express interest in talking about options for retirement plans. This 'materializing' of something abstract can help make things more tangible to 'visualize' and focus on.

When applied to our day-to-day life, this research can be game changing. Maybe there are tangible goals you can 'see' like the example of walking while keeping your eyes fixed on a goal up ahead. But maybe there are things you are working towards that are more abstract. Are there ways you can be creative about 'materializing' a visual component? Making it more concrete? Maybe it is putting a sticky note with your goal or area of change written out on it and placing it somewhere you will see regularly. Or perhaps it is setting reminders to pop up in your calendar and keep you oriented towards your goal. Another idea is to engage your creative side and draw a picture of what you visualize the end result will be.

All of this also reminds me of the Christian life, of pressing forward to Jesus. The Bible speaks in a similar way about keeping our eyes on the the end goal:

“I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”  (Philippians 3:14 ESV)

“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”  (Colossians 3:2 ESV)

Why I Make My Bed Every Day

Written by Megan Farcas, LMHC CMHIMP (Clinical Supervisor, Senior Clinician)

When I was a kid, it was hit or miss whether or not I would make my bed. Oftentimes the driving force behind a made bed was my parents' reminding. This was in turn sometimes met with a sarcastic comment, “Why, I’ll just get in it again?!" Into my teenage years, I started to make my bed more often because I liked the aesthetic. While working over the summer cleaning houses, one of my responsibilities was to make the beds and to make them look like a swanky hotel. I liked the look and started to replicate it at home. By time I made it to college, making the bed was essential. Space in my dorm room was all the space I had to study, hang out with people, and grab an occasional meal.

Since then, through the ever-busyness of life, I began to realize how this simple task impacted me. It was more than the aesthetic; it was the sense of feeling unfrazzled, unrushed, and productive. I realized that, in the mornings when I took a few minutes to make my bed, I felt more grounded, more prepared with a sense of determination for the day ahead.  Its a way to signal to myself that the night is over (no matter how tired I may still be!) and that a new day is beginning. It gives me a moment to pause, to create order, to refresh. Sometimes while I make the bed I find myself becoming aware that I’m unconsciously giving myself a little pep talk for the day ahead. Preparing for potential stressors, reminding myself that I can handle things even if they are messy, just as I am tidying up this messy bed.

In 2014, Admiral William H. McRaven gave a commencement speech at the University of Texas at Austin which went viral with millions of views. It contained the premise, "If you want to make a difference in the world, start by making your bed." The thrust of his speech: taking small steps and accomplishing small tasks leads to a sense of pride, helping you work towards another task and another and another. In the end, you realize that small habits matter as they support larger habits. Similarly, in his book, The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg notes that making your bed every day becomes a habit that can lead to further positive decisions over the day and a determined sense of taking charge. Over time these habits instill a confidence in taking charge that leads to a stronger skillset in tackling other important habits. 

So, do you make your bed? Can you spare a few minutes to orient yourself with a sense of pride and productivity? 

Now to be clear: this doesn’t necessarily mean that your bed is made perfectly. There are plenty of days mine is thrown together quickly before I'm on to the next thing. Nor is there any magic to this. Just because I make my bed doesn’t mean I am able to successfully accomplish everything in the day ahead. There are days when I make my bed with a real sense of motivation only to have the day end feeling unproductive with many tasks left undone. But on those days I still have an inviting, intentionally made bed to climb into to close out the day and prepare for the next one.

The Benefits of Boredom

Written by Megan Farcas, LMHC (Clinical Supervisor, Senior Clinician)

In 2018, a technology company completed a study which found that Americans check their phone on average 80 times a day, roughly once every 12 minutes, including when on vacation (Asurion, 2018). While this number may seem startling, the addition of "screen time" limits within smart phone settings in recent years show just how much our lives have been taken over by the use of screens, social media, and apps. It doesn’t end there—use of screen time is not only limited to smart phones but also other devices like computers and televisions. Distracting yourself can look like turning on the television every evening and zoning out until bed time or scrolling through emails on the computer even though they have all been replied to.

Most people are aware of the dangers of screen time use in regards to things like distracted driving. The National Security Counsel documents that cell phones are involved in 27% of all car crashes and are the cause of roughly 3,000 distracted driving deaths every year (NSC). Yet there are other more subtle ways that constant distraction can cause us harm. For example, screen use even distracts us from using the bathroom properly—90% of people admit that they take their phones with them to the bathroom and studies have found that people spend up to 40 minutes using the bathroom when they are on their phone even though from a physiological perspective it shouldn’t take more than 7-10 minutes (Fulton, 2017). Such a shift in a basic function can lead to physical problems and ailments, simply because we are too glued to our technology. 

So why is this? Why are we constantly distracting ourselves? In sessions with clients I often find that distraction is a way to avoid a deeper issue. It pushes off feelings of anxiety, depression, fear, sadness, or frustration to name a few. We engage in distraction because it works—but only temporarily. Eventually those feelings come back again and thus we engage in another distraction to avoid thinking about or feeling them (usually via screen time) that just perpetuates the cycle. Certainly there are times in sessions where part of the treatment plan is to utilize distraction techniques, but this is generally the case when the feeling or experience is insurmountable during an important moment (for example someone who is struggling with panic attacks while giving a presentation at work). Overall, the goal is not to always distract yourself, but to work towards managing the feelings and symptoms in other ways.

In my work with clients I have found that one way this can be done is by putting down the distractions and allowing yourself to be bored. 

Being bored is often correlated with laziness or a lack of motivation. In fact, the Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines boredom as "the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest". Despite this definition, studies have found that boredom is often beneficial—maybe even necessary—for problem solving and creativity. A 2019 study found that boredom actually helped increase productivity on activities that followed periods of boredom (Park, Lim, & Oh). Boredom also often leads many to daydream, which can boost problem solving ideas and creativity (Ducharme, 2019; Mann, 2014). Boredom has also been found to help boost and motivate us towards creating new goals (Elpidorou, 2014);when we are bored we often start to think about the future and ideas we have or changes we would like to make. Additionally it has been shown to increase social identification, positive memories, and nostalgic feelings (van Tilburg, 2011). 

Boredom can be hard to start if we are used to constantly distracting ourselves in order to push aside thoughts or feelings we are not ready to deal with. Sometimes the best way to work towards this is to allow ourselves momentary breaks from our constant distraction. Try taking a walk without listening to music or talking on the phone. Sit outside and let your mind wander without any agenda. Avoid looking at your phone when you are waiting in line or on public transit or sitting in a waiting room. Stop taking your phone to the bathroom. Instead, in these moments, allow yourself to be bored and see where your mind takes you. Do you start to come up with a creative solution or idea? Maybe you begin to daydream and reorient some of your goals. Do you find yourself becoming anxious? (Studies have shown that separation anxiety can be a response to not using technology, as 31% of people feel anxiety when separated from their phone (SWNS, 2017)). How long are you able to tolerate this feeling of discomfort? Can you work towards slowly decreasing the amount of time you spend desiring distraction vs. allowing yourself to reap some of the benefits of boredom? 

References

Ausurion (2018, May 17). Americans Don’t Want to Unplug from Phones While on Vacation. Retrieved from https://www.asurion.com/about/press-releases/americans-dont-want-to-unplug-from-phones-while-on-vacation-despite-latest-digital-detox-trend/

Ducharme J. (2019, January 4). Being Bored Can Be Good for You—If You Do It Right. Retrieved from http://time.com/5480002/benefits-of-boredom/

Elpidorou A. (2014, November 3). The Bright Side of Boredom. Retrieved from https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.01245/full

Fulton, W. (2017, June 25). iPhones Have Changed the Way We Poop... for the Worse. Retrieved from https://www.thrillist.com/entertainment/nation/smartphone-toilet-health-risks

Mann, S. (2014). Does Being Bored Make Us More Creative? Creativity Research Journal, 26 (2), 165-173. 

NSC. Retrieved from https://www.nsc.org/home

Park, G., Lim, B.C., & Oh, H.S. (2019). Why Being Bored Might Not Be a Bad Thing after All. Journal of Academy Management, 5 (1). 

vanTill, W.A.P. (2011). Boredom and Its Psychological Consequences. University of Limerick. 

SWNS (2017, November 8). Americans Check Their Phones 80 Times A Day. Retrieved from https://nypost.com/2017/11/08/americans-check-their-phones-80-times-a-day-study/

Thinking About Problems

Written by Matt Warren, LMHC MDIV (Executive Director, Senior Clinician)

What are your goals in seeking counseling?  This is a question that we ask early and often in the counseling process, from the initial intake interview on through the various stages of growth and progress.  To go anywhere meaningful, we need to understand more than just what is unwanted, unhealthy, painful, or dysfunctional about the way things currently are.  Identifying these presenting problems or concerns is important, to be sure, but we also need to develop at least some sense of how those things ought to be instead.  What would be desirable, healthy, healing, functional…sound familiar?  By sketching out these goals and aims for counseling, we will know more clearly where to focus attention, what issues to prioritize, and how to measure progress along the way.

Of course, constructive goal setting is easier said than done.  Our presenting problems can feel so complex, so intractable, so deeply rooted, and so overwhelming that the idea of setting a goal can seem like an empty and arbitrary form of fairy tale thinking.

“I just want to feel better…happier…or at least just not like this.”

“I want to fix our marriage, but it’s been so bad for so long.”

“I know I need to be a better person, but I doubt anything will ever really change.”

Perhaps you have felt this way before.  We all have at some point in time.  From a biblical perspective, we recognize that the pernicious nature of sin, which exists within us and all around us, would very much like for us to remain stuck in this sort of mindset.  If we remain stuck in a sense of futility or confusion or bitterness or hopelessness or even some elusive and abstract idea of “happiness” (as in, the kind that is not in any way grounded in “real life”), then we will be successfully impeded from experiencing the fullness of life that God desires for us.  Thinking this way about our problems is just as destructive to our souls as thinking that we have no problems whatsoever.  Thinking this way about our problems keeps us from grappling with the realities of the gospel – that Jesus has fully atoned for our sins and shortcomings, that his power is made perfect in our weakness, that his mercy is real and substantial in the midst of our greatest pain and hardships, that his saving work is meant to produce real and transformative (though often unexpected) change in our lives. 

How we think about our problems and, even more so, how we think about change and growth in the midst of those problems is of critical importance.  So what are your goals for counseling?