The New Normal

Written by Dan Brown, MA (Director of Operations, Senior Clinician)

The pandemic has been difficult.  But one of the biggest things that the pandemic has taken from us all is a sense of normal. Normal birthday parties, normal dinners out with loved ones, normal soccer games.  Normal.  

But as we return to normal we have to realize that we will not be fully ourselves either.  Over the course of the last year, we have regressed or adapted to the restrictions or just flat out avoided people using the pandemic as a convenient excuse.  We have been socially conditioned.  We might find ourselves feeling awkward or have heightened anxiety anytime there is a group gathering on our calendars.

Or maybe you’re someone who has some codependent tendencies and are anxious to be around anxious people.  When I say codependent tendencies I mean you might be one that always wonders how you’re being perceived in a group and will ruminate for hours/days on how a social situation went.  So social situations seem like something you’d like to pass on for another year or ten.

Or maybe you’re someone who has used the pandemic to avoid people that seek to control you or overburden you.  And you can see these types of people from a mile away and when you are around them you start to get a knot in your stomach.  Potentially now after the pandemic those people became even more controlling and more overburdening.  I am sure this last year has been better for you getting a year long break from these types of interactions.  

The reality is that life is going to go back to what we remembered as normal. Schools, churches, work places and the like.  So what is next for you in these settings?  Do you just return to those old ways?  As a mental health provider I see this as a unique time in human history to make big strides in your ongoing social anxieties because you’ve had such a big pause in exposure to them.  You might be able to identify people that are just flat out unhealthy for you to be around and might consider not being around them as much.  Or you might be able to draw some boundaries with people that you weren’t able to draw boundaries with before because you’ve had a little distance with them and free from their manipulations.  And for those people that seek to control you or overburden you, you might now for the first time be able to say stop, no more.  

Our society needs friendship.  Our society needs grace in those friendships.  Our society needs positive social interactions that allow people to be “off” and not our best.  Our society needs normal again.  

Good thing Jesus continues to be seated and the right hand of God the Father living in perfect unity, in perfect friendship with the Father and the Holy Spirit.  There is no overburdening of the other going on there.  No guilt tripping going on in the Godhead.  They see the end of this and allowed the beginning of it to happen.  And I believe they want people to start being normal again too.

Mental health starts with realizing your own mental unhealth.  Then you can move to make a change with your therapist and then realize those changes with friends, family and those around you in your community. We all have our weaknesses.  But we don’t all admit those weaknesses.  I am proud you have admitted yours or are starting to admit yours and are ready to make changes.  Maybe you will not just return to normal but to a new normal.  

God is Here

Written by Heather Thornburg, MA (Clinician)

“The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:5b-6 ESV (italics added)

I could tell you that I love this verse, but I would be lying.  Mostly, I find this verse confusing – how in the world do I “not be anxious about anything?” Especially right now?  In 2021…that followed 2020?

Life in a fallen, broken world can easily produce anxiety, and this past year has really hit many of us hard.  Almost every single client that I see is experiencing anxiety symptoms to one degree or another.  And in truth, it impacts me as well.  Anxiety symptoms appear in different ways.  Physically, we can have muscle tension, nausea, hot or cold sweats, headaches, shortness of breath or tightness in our chest.  Emotionally, we can become easily irritated, easily startled, tearful, impatient.  Mentally, we can have difficulty focusing, become spacey, or have intrusive or racing thoughts.  This is not an exhaustive list, but whatever symptoms we experience can be difficult to live with.  So, what can we do?

Believe or not, managing anxiety can begin with some relatively simple steps.

1.      Breathe – Seems too simple, right?  But anxiety can cause us to hold our breath or breathe shallowly and rapidly, and this can make our symptoms worse.  Instead, take five minutes to do some deep breathing.  Breathe slowly in through your nose for a count of 4-6, hold your breath for a count of 4-6, then breathe slowly out through your mouth for a count of 6-8.  Repeat.  Deep breathing reverses the anxiety response and signals your brain to begin calming the body (from TherapistAid.com).

2.      Ground – Do you find yourself worrying about things that haven’t happened yet?  If your thoughts have a repeated refrain of “what if…” then you are.  The future hasn’t happened yet; it doesn’t exist.  The present moment is real, and grounding yourself in it will help you step back from the tyranny of your thoughts.  Look around you - what do you see?  What do you hear?  What do you smell, taste, feel?  Take it in slowly and deeply.  Describe your surroundings to yourself; notice your feelings.  Pause, and let yourself be present in the moment.  Breathe a thank you to God for something in your surroundings.  By the time you’ve done all this, the “what ifs” shouting in your brain will have quieted down and given you the space and the strength to choose your next thoughts, to speak the truth about who holds your future.

3.      Prayer – Do you ever get caught in a thought loop about things that worry you?  Racing thoughts or thinking about the same things over and over are frequent responses to anxiety.  These thoughts can also be some of the most difficult anxiety symptoms to address.  When you experience this, immediately turn your thoughts to prayer. Don’t necessarily try to change the content, just begin directing your thoughts to Jesus.  It looks something like this.  I think, “I have this blog to write, and it’s my first one.  What if people don’t like it and think it sounds dumb?  What if my colleagues don’t like it?  Will it be professional enough?  Is my writing up to par?” …and we’re off to the races.  Now switch to prayer.  “Jesus, I have this blog to write and it’s my first one.  God, what if people don’t like it and think it sounds dumb?”  …etc., etc.  In the first example, my thoughts are spinning inside of myself with nowhere to go, and I don’t have the power to do anything about them.  In the second example, I have directed my thoughts up and outside of myself to one who loves me and created me.  To one who has the power to encourage and direct me, and provide some objectivity. 

To return to our verse, yes, Paul tells us “do not be anxious about anything”, but before he does so, he reminds us that “the Lord is at hand.” God, himself, is the reason we have hope to overcome our anxiety. When you feel a tension headache coming on, rest your hand on your chest and remind yourself, “God is here.” When you’re lying in bed and can’t stop thinking, rest your hand on your chest and remind yourself “God is here.” When your irritated and don’t know why, rest your hand on your chest and remind yourself, “God is here.” Whether you feel him or not, God is here!

Anxiety and Faith

Written by Day Marshall, LMHC (Senior Clinician)

Anxiety is one of the most common reasons people enter a therapeutic setting. The symptoms of anxiety can be as varied as the individuals it affects, but generally, it shows up as jumbled, racing thoughts of worry and negativity about self or others, resulting in an impaired ability to focus, process options, problem solve, or make decisions. Anxiety often manifests physically as sweaty palms, increased heart rate, lightheadedness, and either lack of purposeful motion or excessive activity.

At times, Christians who come to counseling with a hope to resolve anxiety can express a sense of failure or disappointment in their walk with God. There is a belief that their anxious thoughts and feelings are somehow related to a lack of faith or ability to rest in God’s goodness. And though resting in God plays a part in the management of anxiety, it is often relieving for clients to recognize that anxiety is very often closely related to values, beliefs and coping strategies established in early childhood, usually long before a comprehensive understanding of God is formed. This means that learning how to apply faith and God’s truths to anxiety responses can take some coaching and skills building: learning proper application of God’s healing balm, if you will.

Since many neurological pathways are solidly established for anxious responses early in life, it is helpful to have the capacity to apply critical thinking and reason to practical skills building in order to carve new pathways for responding to stressors. Faith and God’s truth can be powerful components in establishing these new responses. For example, applying Scripture and God’s promises during grounding and self-soothing techniques can often be very effective at mitigating the impacts of anxiety. One possible application of this is the practice of breathing in deeply while thinking, “He is my refuge” or “Rest for the weary”, and then visualizing breathing out worry and fear.

Rather than experiencing guilt or a sense of failure, those with anxiety can be encouraged that peace and rest for the anxious mind is closely related to learning how to apply the healing balm of God to those affected areas.