Last month, we introduced the concept of attachment theory, including the notion that we develop an attachment style based on our early connections and interactions with our primary caregiver (click here to read part 1). In this article we will unpack the four basic attachment styles by exploring the characteristics of each and various factors that contribute to the development of a particular attachment style.

Secure Attachment Style

A secure attachment style develops when a child feels safe and understood. By no means does this mean the child had a perfect parent (which is impossible to attain), but rather, a parent who tried to be perceptive of their needs and attempted to meet those needs a majority of the time. A secure attachment style means that your caregiver was generally aware of and attuned to your physical and emotional wants and needs more often than not. Additionally, they were willing to and made attempts to re-attune to your physical and emotional needs when they missed the mark initially.

Factors that prevent the development of a secure attachment style include:

• Being removed from your parents frequently for extended periods of time

• Having your needs met inconsistently and/or infrequently

• Only receiving attention from your caregiver when behaving poorly

• Experiencing abuse, mistreatment and/or emotional neglect from your caregiver

Experiencing any one or more of these factors can result in a person developing any one of three insecure attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, or Disorganized attachment style.

Anxious Attachment Style

An Anxious Attachment Style is a type of insecure attachment that develops due to inconsistent caretaking. This typically meant that while the caregiver expressed some concern or care for their child, they were often otherwise preoccupied. This tends to result in unpredictable and inconsistent care. A child with an anxious or otherwise preoccupied caregiver often struggles to develop internal feelings of safety and security. This tends to increase a child’s anxiety which then carries into adulthood.

Avoidant Attachment Style

The Avoidant Attachment Style typically develops when a caregiver is either unwilling or unable to be emotionally available to their child. Though a caregiver may have been physically present, they were emotionally absent which results in a child learning to ignore and/or suppress their emotions. This suppression of emotions tends to get carried into adulthood.

Disorganized Attachment Style

The Disorganized Attachment Style typically develops when a child has experienced emotional neglect or preoccupation along with intense fear in their childhood. This often looks like having experienced abuse and/or erratic behavior from their parents or fear-driven discipline. This results in difficulty recognizing and regulating one’s own emotions which carries into adulthood. Children who develop this attachment style typically have caregivers who have unresolved trauma themselves.

How do these four distinct attachment styles play out in adulthood? The following infographic outlines characteristics of each attachment style in regard to one’s sense of self, emotional regulation, and relationships.

While it is daunting to recognize the profound effect that attachment has on our lives, it is equally remarkable that God, in His abundant grace and mercy, has given us the capacity for resilience, recovery, and inner healing. The field of interpersonal neurobiology has demonstrated that our brains are being continuously reshaped and rewired through relationships. By coming to terms with our own attachment wounds and insecurities in a safe space like therapy, we can gain the awareness needed to engage in healthy relationships and experience a redemptive sense of vulnerability and care within them over time.

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